My dilemma and my interest

Not only am I going to talk about the things that interest
me on this blog I want to talk about the things that I am going through maybe
not life related, well kind of, but mostly creatively and what is going on. I
want to talk about my portfolio or some of the stuff in it. Lately I’ve been looking
for jobs and I’ve had some luck but nothing concrete as of yet. So, I’m going
to say I’ve been depressed, it just seems as though I have given up but in that
giving up I’ve done research on why I am giving up. Okay, let me say I’m not
giving up, I am just slowing down my process and in that I have found why I
have not gotten any luck with work. It is particularly to do with my portfolio
and I have come to the realization that it is not my portfolio it is me; my
portfolio does not reflect what I want to do as an artist or a designer. While
listening to One Fantastic Week, a weekly podcast about fantasy artist, they
were doing a portfolio website critique. I have seen this video advertised on
their YouTube page before but skimmed over it and for some reason something
told me to look at it. In that brief hour and a half, it opened my world up to
some of the problems that I have been facing. I know my interest and I know
what I want to do but my portfolio does not clearly state what that is. It
shows that I am a well-rounded designer but it does not show my strengths. It
shows I can do many things well but nothing truly great and that hurts but
sometimes you gotta be honest we yourself. I am still young 25 and to be honest
I do not know if I want to work for a particular company but I know my interest
and I have an idea of what I want to do in the future. But let me talk about
some of my interest first.

Lets start with the thing that I loved the most and writing
that out just shows that I truly fell in love with this since I first saw my
cousin do it at a young age. Drawing is my first love, I have flirted with
countless other things but drawing has to be my favorite thing in the whole
world. Coming up with ideas in your head and being able to put them on a page,
in my opinion, the best and most interesting thing that I’ve ever experienced.
It is a certain high I get when I get something down or draw something that
gives me a sense of accomplishment. It has its struggles, it takes a long time
to develop a style and practicing on form, perspective, and composition. I’ve
been told just do it, like the Nike commercials always say, and it should come
out great. My problem is finding the time and I tell myself that every day which,
to me, seems to be the hardest part. There is something in my brain that
distracts me from achieving that. I know I must take the time and devote my
time out of the day and study and do it and I will be good. This is a point
where I am the problem and I am the solution and I know how to fix it.
Guillaume Ospital

When I look at someone’s art that inspires me the first
thing I look at is atmosphere. What is the image trying to tell me, what is
going on, and how do I feel about a particular character or place? All these
things plus composition and color have a big impact on what I want to do with
my art. I must study form, composition, perspective, and color to create these
things. Sometimes it takes people a life time to do it and that is a sacrifice
that I am willing to take.

Atey Ghailan


Photography has to be hands down, the best thing since
drawing that has happened to me and I am so thankful for it. It has shown me that
I can look at the world however I want through a lens and show people my vision
and have fun being outside and engaged with my surrounds and I am thankful for
it. I want to say this is the easiest to me out of the three only because I
picked up the mechanics so fast and so quickly. I learned how to use a camera
in school because I signed up for a class and it turned out to be a wonderful
experience. I was learning from two great teachers because I was fortunate
enough to have a professor and a grad student teaching that semester. I
developed my own style of shooting and editing that is unique to me and helpful
for me to convey what I want the audience to see.

Todd Hido
If you don’t know, I explore my city at night taking
detailed shots of my surroundings and to me it is so beautiful. I have told
people that I find places more interesting than people only because it is
easier to take a picture of a building than a person but lately I have been so engulfed
with film that I am finding ways to make people interesting to me which leads
me to my next inspiration film. I am inspired by people who are all about
setting the mood in their photos I think it is so beautiful to see. I like
photos that tell a story but leaves more to the imagination. Just enough to
tell the story but also enough to leave room for more.

Yang Yong

Film and Video:

Film is a beast within itself and a monster all on its own.
Lately, I have been on it, doing research on different directors, writers,
cinematographers, and actors and how they incorporate a scene. Looking at
videos that show what the director was thinking is astonishing to me. The way
they set the camera, position the movements of the actors and the characters,
and how they can convey a story is helping me as a photographer develop my style
even further. I’ve been viewing video about some of my favorite directors and
how they read a script and how they try to bring their vision to life. At first,
I thought being a director was all about setting the camera and just saying
action, no. Being a director is showing people the story that you see and help
guide them through the movie creating suspense, a sense of danger, triumph,
misery, and passion all within that time frame. I think that takes a certain
type of person and I am finding out that sometimes the great scenes and moments
in film history aren’t the blockbusters that everyone loves but the small films
that draw out that emotion where the director showcases every little detail
about the character and their surroundings. I think film, or a great film, is
made from a certain type of genius or individual.

But within film it is not just one person, it is a team of
people working towards one goal. You have the director, writer, the light
person, the grip, and different people all coming together to make a great film
but it is on everyone to help the director get his vision across to help the
audience experience what he made. Thinking on that, I think I want people to
experience something when they look at my art. I want people to have an experience
while looking at the things I create. Thinking about that, it is going to take
time and practice to accomplish that.

CLICK HERE: How to be creative

I want to somehow incorporate all of that into my works creating
an experience that the audience will get when they see my artwork. Film is such
an inspiration to me and I did not even know it. Some of my friends who are
film buffs say that I have an eye for it but I need to somehow incorporate that
into my art. I am gradually incorporating that into my photography and it is
doing wonders and I want to bring that into my illustrative style but that will
take time but I want to and must do it. It is one of those things if I don’t do
it, it will haunt me and I will be sad if I do not at least try. I have placed
some sample pictures within the text to showcase some of the stuff that
inspires my way of thinking and the direction I want to go in it is all a
matter of doing it.

I still have a problem; my portfolio is still directionless.
Rereading this I noticed that I am a creative and I am trying to put myself
into a bubble because I have to fit in somewhere. Am I an illustrator, a
photographer, do I want to go into UX design, I love marketing and advertising
but do I really want to do that, also I like production I should look into that…what
the heck is production anyway? All these things rush in your head at the end during
school and looking for work. I remember in school even though it seems so long
ago, it was merely months ago, my teacher wrote down GENERALIST next to my
name. I was confused, what is a generalist anyway, it took a toll on me and to
this day I still do not know what that means. I may never know, I could look it
up but I am trying not to care and move on with a new title that I am giving
myself. A Creative, simply put, and that is something I will strive for. In the
words of someone that interviewed me and never called me back, he said, “Your
work is life. The color and composition is great you try to show a little life
in every design you do…”. I should thank him because that is the only thing I can
say I walked away with learning something that even I couldn’t see. So that is
all I have and I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I did sometimes we all need to look at ourselves in the mirror and tell ourselves what we see.


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